I am a Selfish Jerk

Posted: April 28, 2015 in Article, Think WITH Faith
Tags: , , , , ,

So a while back I had to deal with some insurance and medical stuff for my daughter. Through some mess up or the other, the insurance will only speak with me and not my wife. While we are trying to get it changed, the process takes time. My daughter has a persistent rash and some other symptoms and is overdue for her 3 year checkup, so we are trying to get her in ASAP. Unfortunately, the new insurance had her down with a doctor who isn’t taking new patients. I had to find a doctor who is taking new patients and accepts the insurance then call the insurance and get that set up and then call the doctor and make an appointment. They set the appointment for Monday, but my wife wanted in sooner, so I had to call to see about getting a sooner one, etc. etc.

My job allows me a small amount of freedom and flexibility. In the midst of all of this, I am at work trying to get work done but also have some school work that I would rather spend my “flexible” time doing. Long hold times, bureaucratic muck-ups, lost study opportunity and rude CSRs were all wearing on my already raw nerves. So where did my selfish and pride filled heart direct all that angst?

At my wife, of course.

Here I am working to pay the bills, studying to further my ‘career’, I have a sermon to write and errands to run of my own. I am busy doing good and worthy things. How dare she not be able to take time out of her day and take care of this! Doesn’t she realize how busy I am?! ARGH!!!

Then that pesky Holy Spirit tapped me on my spiritual shoulder and reminded me that I am to love my wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25): He sacrificed Himself for her. My pregnant wife (who’s “morning sickness” doesn’t seem to know when morning is over) is home with a rather rambunctious and hyper toddler who’s bum is itchy and allergies are in full swing. Throw on top of that the seemingly endless unpacking we are doing on top of trying to keep the house clean and maintaining some level of sanity.

And here I was, upset and frustrated because I had to use my ‘precious time’ dealing with aggravation and stress of doctors’ offices and insurance providers. My selfishness was saying that what was needed was for my already-at-wits-end wife to be the one to deal with this mess and this stress and leave me to my cushy job and my stressful-but-highly-enjoyable school work. What a jerk!

No, I am happy that God allowed me to handle the mess and stress of dealing with overworked nurses and “I hate my life” customer service reps. Its those moments when we are able to say, “Here let me bear that for you” that we see real Grace and real Love lived out.

If my frustration and aggravation allowed in even some small way for my wife’s day to be a little better … thank you, Lord for allowing me to suffer through that.

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